twenty never spoken before secrets

My best friend and I are trying to keep busy today with twenty things you may not know about me.

When I was 12 I saved all my babysitting money to buy a big jug of hair gel – walked to the drug store at the corner of Brant street and upper middle and bought it – it was probably a three mile walk one way – it was green and really goopy. When I was about four houses away from home I tripped on the wrapper they use to tie newspapers together and smashed the big jar of gel. I sat there and cried – you have seen my hair – imagine it with NO product in it – my mother would’t even let me use her hair spray. I hate my hair and i hate my acne scared face - if i had more money I would get it fixed and do botox.

I am secretly scared (if not terrified) of going blind – I hate the dark

I was a shy teenager – wished I kissed Daren Klink when I was 15.

I had a crush on Bruce sellek (sp?)

I worry about getting older and not being able to take care of myself.

I hate milk even though I know it is good for me.

A good sense of humor is very attractive to me.

I check out men’s hands before anything else.

I love driving really fast with loud music on a warms summer day – my favorite car was my convertible – the man magnet I called it.

When at home I NEVER have the radio on – I don’t buy CD’s and do not really like music unless driving myself or wanting to dance. This is new – since kids.

I hate my body and hate myself for not changing my body through diet and exercise – a vicious circle. I start with good intentions – I am much better with my eating habits though and when I do it is generally healthy.

My biggest sense of accomplishment is the design of both the kitchen and bathroom.

I wish I could have white slip covered furniture and white bedding.

I hate that I am becoming more and more moody and sometimes can’t control the mood.

There are many things I have done that I wish I could go back in time to change. I am not proud of them and not sure where my head was?

I don’t listen to my gut – I wish I could put my ‘gut voice’ to use rather than shushing it all the time and then looking back only to realize my gut had been trying to tell me and I wasn’t listening.

More and more so I day dream of the “what if I hadn’t……” “where would I be”

I miss my dad and wished I knew him better before he died – I wish I could talk to him today. I make myself go to his monument a few times a year and always feel uncomfortable there.

The three months when my Dad got sick, then died, I lost my job and had a miscarriage was the worst time of my life. I wished Al had been there for me more - I had never felt so alone and scared - my world crumbled around me in three short months.